right now and forever
Wednesday and I still love you. Days pass, boys and men talk at and to me, of love or the feelings that they imagine to be sweet and it’s all very nice and I take comfort in it where I may, but my brain and my body ache for you. I imagine a million different futures. My passion shocks me and I don’t often think of myself in that way. I usually don’t have a problem being pragmatic about things. “It is what it is,” after all.
I had a beautiful day. An amazing, beautiful day and still. And still, and still, and still, all I could think about was you. I’m over this feeling (made woozy by the thought of you). It was distracting. But the truth is, I love you. I don’t care if you hate it: there it is, pulsing and naked. Love, love, love. Longing and desire, hope and resignation. The thought that you might hate it is actually so romantic that could easily learn to love you for that, too. I want you over and over in waves: I want you, from a million miles away. I want you. I want all out trust (which I have never done yet, not even with you), I want to cry out all my heartache to you. I want to be absolutely me in all my glory and I want you to want me back. I flourish and I will continue to do so, and I would like you to be a part of this. Things are so exciting that the only way they could be better would be if you were here, now. Right now, and forever.